where the wounded wander
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Our membership had been “revoked”, that’s how the church elders had phrased it in a letter to me and my husband. But just days after, those same leaders held an emergency meeting...
I turn the 90’s fake diamond knob to 11 o’clock and let it come to temp. I like the water hot, much warmer than my husband would ever care to shower in. While I wait, I walk back...
‘Scamanda’ is a popular four-episode docuseries on Hulu that was ranked as the streaming service’s number one show this past week. I came across it a couple of weeks ago and was transfixed...
I remember the first time I read an article like the one I’m about to write. A pastor friend sent me a link exposing ten signs of an abusive pastor. I was both curious and desperate...
Several towering pine trees can be seen through the left side of our bedroom windows. Since we moved to this house about four years ago they’ve become one of my favorite views. They...
It was just a normal night hanging out with friends from church. We adults would enjoy some conversation while the kids ran amuck through the house. We’d share stories about work...
It was a rare morning. I had successfully made it to church on a Sunday morning with my kids. Well, three of my sons, anyway. We shuffled into the loaded service. There weren’t many...
There was a question that was haunting me. I’ve asked God this question at night when my teething one-year-old struggles to fall back asleep. I’ve asked it while I’m making...
*A breather post is a break from my usual writing. I explain it more here. The baby was napping and I had just run downstairs to grab something before heading back up. But as I stood...
I still have the small bottle in my top drawer, hidden beneath folded pairs of pants. It’s no longer displayed on our dresser as a reminder. My husband bought it amid our communication...
Ever heard of a “Chreaster”? I’m not sure if it’s a well-known slang word many people know, but I certainly didn’t know it until my former pastor introduced...
Despite what it looks like, I’m not on a quest to find a perfect church. Or a perfect pastor. Or a perfect elder. Or a perfect congregant. Or Heaven on Earth for that matter....
It was about a year ago. She was 17 years old when I met her. I didn’t know her personally at first. And she didn’t know me. She had been attending for 5 years. We attended for nearly...
It was time to put my big girl pants on, yet again. Ten months into working with my counselor, she informed me that she would be moving out of state in a couple of months. She had...
Our baby was just a few weeks old. Miguel and I ventured to Target to buy some basics. It was summer and my newborn was still a featherweight so I decided to hold him up on one shoulder...
As I was re-listening to Dr. Phil Monroe’s talk from last week’s post, I was reminded of the need to take a breather from the heavy things in life when attempting to heal from trauma....
I knew I needed to find a therapist. Someone to help me flesh out all that had happened and all that was happening. However, I had a newborn at home who was constantly nursing and...
The day starts like any other day. I wake up in my bed and as I turn toward my nightstand to reach for my glasses, it’s there. Fresh memories begin saturating my thoughts in discombobulated...
It was the fall after we were excommunicated, and all of the back-to-school routines were starting up again. The kids were missing their friends, their community, and the fun weeknight...
When figuring out ways to engage with someone who has been wounded, it is helpful to bring a spirit of curiosity to the conversation. Try to find out what would be most helpful to that...
Are you wondering what you can do to help those harmed by the church in your life? Many times it is hard to know what to do. We fear we might do more damage than good so we resolve...
It was a beautiful Sunday morning. I was walking down one of the side hallways of the church. The services were over for the day and most of the congregants had left. I saw a...
It was June 26, 2023, the evening of my grandmother’s 86th birthday party. I had decided to host it at our house while my husband, Miguel, was away on a business trip to Austin. He...

Welcome!
My name is Amanda.
My husband and I have been married since 2007. We have five sons.
I have been a part of a faith community my entire life. Our family had been active members of a nondenominational church for ten years when we experienced severe spiritual abuse.
I was eight months pregnant with our fifth child when our family was formally excommunicated without warning from our church in June of 2023.
Join me on my journey as I seek healing and gain insight into how to help those with deep church hurt.