When our family was excommunicated we were thrown into a world we didn’t know existed. We didn’t understand how seeking truth, protection for the abused, and accountability for our leadership had culminated in being cast out of our faith community without warning. Sadly, we learned how common it was for people to be formally and informally pushed down or out of their church when they raised concerns about their leadership’s behavior.
I mean, I knew of the term “church hurt” but hadn’t taken the time to learn about the impact it can have on one’s soul. Especially since there is quite a scale of what that term can mean. From afar, it was easy to chalk up their churchless lifestyle to disbelief, a lack of discipline, or someone who was determined to be bitter.
Life in the church was “good” until it really, really wasn’t.
Wandering about in the wilderness spiritually isolated and abandoned was something my faith was not prepared for. It is dark, so dark that there were weeks when I forced myself to face what it would be like to walk away from God entirely. We were stumbling through uncharted territory. I was in the thick of postpartum, my husband was grappling with deep betrayal and we had five little boys following right behind us.
I began desperately searching for others who had honestly wrestled with their belief system breaking down.
As I searched for genuine comfort and understanding on this topic of spiritual abuse, I found that many Christians would use statements like, “No church is perfect“, “Forgive and forget“, and “Those were the people that treated you that way, not God.“ Maybe that band-aid logic worked for small hurts. However, our wounds needed a tourniquet, not a two-by-three-inch piece of cloth. We needed a real “been there” experience. We searched for authentic stories of how or if God had shown up amid this type of suffering. The fluffy, hope-filled Christian pep talks were not cutting it anymore.
This is the place of pain where this blog was born. In the last fifteen months, I have read various books and blogs. I have listened to podcasts and YouTube episodes. I have attended conferences, therapy sessions, and classes. I have heard many, many personal stories about spiritual abuse. I found victims who decided to keep their faith despite what they had been through. I found many who did not.
I’m not exaggerating when I say I was completely unaware of just how badly this type of abuse can affect one’s life.
Which brings me to the purpose of this blog:
While I pursue healing, I hope that my writing will be a comfort and encouragement to those who are wading the waters of distrust and mistreatment in the church.
I desire to bring awareness to those inside the church about the effects of spiritual abuse.
I will share ideas on how to love and care for the wounded hearts we interact with, whether that be at the local park, a family party, or possibly within the walls of your own home.
Lastly, I plan to expose what spiritual abuse looked like in our experience. Please do not use this as a complete expert guide but rather as a way to increase your discernment if or when you choose to engage in faith communities.
I invite you on my journey.
Come, find where the wounded wander.
