Ever heard of a “Chreaster”? I’m not sure if it’s a well-known slang word many people know, but I certainly didn’t know it until my former pastor introduced me to it. It’s a word used for people who only attend church on Christmas and Easter, aka, the “less committed” Christians. Every time he used the nickname in my presence I felt an invisible stroke to my self-righteous ego.
“Wow, how sad. Glad I’m not a Chreaster!” I’d silently think to myself.
I shudder as I remember the thoughts that would routinely run through my mind as a good, faithful, and frequent church building attendee. Conversations with strangers and acquaintances surrounding this topic went something like this…
“Oh, you’re Christians? Where do you attend church?”
“We don’t”
“Okay, got it.”
Que the judgment organ.
Well, now the shoe is on the other foot and I feel compelled to share some of the ideas that a Chreaster may struggle with. I know not everyone who has spotty church attendance is recovering from spiritual abuse, but will you consider my experience that many others have shared? Will you take a look at what the holiday season feels like for someone who did and now doesn’t trust the church? Hearing what it’s like just might produce fertile ground for some future effective ministry creations.
Here goes.
Christmas and Easter this past year have been a mixture of unfamiliarity, sadness, and silver linings. In the wilderness, we have had to let traditional expectations go and begin piecemealing new ones. It is anything but comfortable. Each day leading up to the holiday brings a new question.
Should we go to a Christmas Eve service?
Will we be able to sing Christmas carols as a family?
Should we put the nativity scene up?
Will we do the resurrection eggs for Easter?
Will we make it to Good Friday service?
Why do churches do egg hunts?
Should we let the kids participate in them?
What is best for the kids?
What is best for my husband?
What is best for me?
There seems to be a new uncomfortable decision to make lurking around every corner.
Not only that, trying to avoid everyone’s triggers can feel like navigating a minefield. What is comforting to one of us could be extremely upsetting to the other. At any moment, something could be said, sung, or observed that sparks feelings of skepticism, anger, sadness, and hopelessness. The air can get sucked out of a room in a split second. How could I cultivate a peaceful environment around the holidays with so many spiritual buttons potentially being pushed?
And why did I feel an extra pull during the holidays to show up at church? I had gradually been able to accept the slower pace in our journey to finding a new faith community. So what was at the root of this desire? Was it shame? Did it produce the feeling of being close to God? Was it loneliness? Was it merely a tradition?
I think it might have been a little bit of all of those things. Sigh. These are hard feelings, but I couldn’t stop my thought processing there. I needed clarity, even if my discernment radar seemed insanely broken. After praying and lots of deliberation in my head, I came up with some values that I felt would honor our season of needing safety, connection, and God’s presence.
These were the staples I landed on…
- I want to set aside time with my family to acknowledge the importance of Christ’s birth and resurrection. (This did not need to take place altogether or on the same day.)
- I want to worship God. (Accept that not everyone may feel the same)
- I want to bless my family in a special way.
Listing out these values helped me prioritize them and further diminish the typical pressure to just “show up” to church. We intentionally allow ourselves to celebrate in ways that are healing to our souls. However, this also didn’t mean that we couldn’t go to church if there was interest. It just meant that we didn’t have to if it was going to divide, upset, or frustrate our family. We had options now.
So what did this actually look like?
For Easter this past year, I made the boys a crepe buffet. Complete with their favorite fillings and toppings. Afterward, I lit some candles at the kitchen table and pulled out my Bible. I read the story of Christ’s death and resurrection to the little hearts gathered around me. We discussed the meaningfulness of God’s sacrifice.
Then, I pulled out our blessing box; it’s one of my most treasured times with the kids and we only do it once or twice a year. The blessing box is a collection of various rocks with numbers assigned to each one. Each rock matches a numbered list in a journal that represents the special blessings our family has received over the years. At first, the boys took turns pulling out random rocks to have me find the sweet memory their number is paired with. We love recalling the ways the Lord has provided, protected, and shown up for us.
Next, we went around the table, and my children shared big and small ideas about how God’s goodness had appeared in our lives the past year. There’s a whole range of responses during this time. It can go from, “I found a dollar in dad’s coat pocket last week” to “A new baby cousin was born!” The discussion is always bursting with gratitude. When we were just about finished, my son quietly sputtered out one last thought, “We survived”. I knew just what he meant. His tears met mine and I could see that this was a painful hallelujah. But a hallelujah, nonetheless.
We went on to visit extended family that day, but I couldn’t help but feel so much peace and joy over the connections I made with my kids. The connections not only between each other but to God. I wasn’t going to live in shame over my family not being able to muster up the emotional fortitude to walk into a place and face a stage of people we didn’t know or trust. Instead, we met with the One we could trust, and I got to be face to face with the souls entrusted to me.
What feelings have you experienced or witnessed surrounding church attendance on Christmas and Easter? What truths or lies do you think people believe about themselves if they don’t attend church on these holidays? How would you choose to celebrate these special days if you couldn’t go to church?
More helpful thoughts relating to church attendance are discussed in this podcast by Broken to Beloved, episode 21, Deconstructing Deconstruction: Finding an Invisible Jesus.