Finding A Therapist

 

I knew I needed to find a therapist. Someone to help me flesh out all that had happened and all that was happening. However, I had a newborn at home who was constantly nursing and four other children who needed me. Finding time to get away just “for me” was a mental hurdle that I had trouble getting over. My needs were important, but not imminent, or so I thought. 

 

I’ve heard it said before that Trauma is a gift from God. Confusing, am I right? The idea behind this thought is that if we felt the entire weight of the traumatic event in one moment, it just might kill our will to live altogether. Instead, trauma is processed over time as new thoughts emerge over what was lost and as the details of a new reality set in. 

 

In that process, each day held a series of consequences and pain, not only for me but for my family. The struggles ran the gamut from poor school performance to stress-related health problems and beyond. The domino effect was in full force and it was all we could do but lay down and take it.

 

It was in this place, at six weeks postpartum, that another heavy stressor was added to our sinking boat. Another unexpected weight threatened the last few threads of stability we had left. At this moment, I knew getting help for myself couldn’t wait another day. I had to get more support. The few friends I had could not hold the depth of devastation that was in my soul. 

 

Further, these compounding trials were beginning to weaken my faith. How could God allow this when we had already suffered so much for His name’s sake? Feeling unprotected from this unrelenting oppression felt like a grinding pressure on the mustard seed of faith that remained. I couldn’t keep going like this.

 

But finding a therapist was an overwhelming task. Therapists. It seems they are everywhere, but obviously not all would be equally helpful in the arena of religious trauma. Going into it, I knew I needed someone who was trauma-informed. I also desired to have someone who was serious about their faith. There was a lot of internal pressure to find the perfect person.

 

However, I was pretty sure there was no perfect counselor and I was at a point where I couldn’t waste any more time. The unknowables about the compatibility of a therapist would only be found in trying one out. I had to start somewhere so I resolved to make a change if things weren’t working out.

 

I reached out to someone in the industry and asked for direction on where to begin looking for professional help. I looked up the various suggestions online, paying close attention to each counselor’s areas of specialty and background information. I searched for therapists who provided both in-person and Zoom sessions, which I believe most do nowadays.

 

Not long after that, I finally began seeing a therapist. She explained to me that she would give me a few weeks of meeting with her before I decided to commit. This would make the process less awkward if I ended up wanting to work with someone else.

 

About a month into therapy, I attended Julie Roys Restore Conference and heard Psychologist and Trauma Expert Dr. Phil Monroe give some really good advice on how to find the right mental health professional. The entire message is especially helpful for those healing from spiritual abuse. It’s probably a message I should listen to every year! Please consider listening to all of his healing recommendations. However, for the point of this post, I’m only going to highlight his suggestions for finding an effective therapist. In the Do’s and Don’ts of Healing from Trauma, he says:

1. • Find someone who can go at your pace.

• • Find someone who listens and values your voice. Allowing you to disagree is especially important in the healing process.

• • Avoid someone who uses one single method of therapy and guarantees it will solve all of your problems. 

• • Find someone that is compassionate and allows you to feel heard.

• • Find someone who regularly uses grounding techniques.

He also advises that you interview therapists before selecting one. Some things you can ask are:

1. • Are you a trauma-informed therapist?

• • What approaches do you take to treat trauma?

• • What professionals have influenced your education?

• • What grounding and calming strategies do you use?

Fortunately for me, the very first therapist I chose to meet with ended up helping me a great deal. One of the first things she did was have me come up with some goals for myself. Some of my goals included:

 

• Process authentically what I believe about God

• Begin healing from religious trauma

• Find ways to support my husband and children in their own trauma

My first goal was very important to me. Even though I valued having a Christian therapist, I wanted someone who would let me ask hard questions and come to the conclusions that made sense to me. I would not be able to thrive under someone who cut off my honest thoughts and ideas with spiritual advice. I needed a person who was not threatened with my conclusions of God if or when they didn’t match their own. I longed for integrity within my soul.

 

Also, having emotional support outside of my natural relational circle gave me the freedom to be very honest. There was a lack of judgment in what I needed to discuss and I didn’t have to worry about what I shared being passed around in any way. It also allowed me to receive genuine feedback from an outsider’s perspective which was conducive for me to make healthier choices.

 

Every six months, we reassessed my goals and observed any progress. This method was helpful for me to stay focused on what meant the most to me. I do realize that this approach may not work for others. Dr. Monroe even mentions what works for one person does not mean it will work for everyone because our experiences and personalities are all so different. 

 

I am beyond grateful for the many sessions I had with my therapist over the course of the past year. She helped me immensely and I hope to share more on how she did that. Finding a good therapist can be so invaluable when navigating through seasons of deep valleys! I hope you will consider finding one if you sense you need more support navigating the murky waters of trauma recovery.

 

How about you? How have you gone about finding good support in your healing journey? Are there any other traits someone should look for in a therapist? What would be some specific goals you could make for yourself?