“The justice wheel turns slowly…” isn’t an old proverb for no reason, but it wasn’t a saying I was familiar with until recently.
I’m very familiar with it now.
When I look back at pre-excommunication Amanda, I see a hopeful woman who trusts her church and the people inside it to submit to biblical principles; to act justly. But pre-excommunication Amanda was also having some very weird encounters within the church; concerning encounters. My husband and I had been asked, more than once, if we understood the consequences that we would receive if we continued to believe an abuse victim and advocate for her safety.
The answer was a resounding no.
But as we researched, we read about the long-standing patterns of church leadership dismissing abuse concerns. How could this be a theme…in the Church? What was it about abuse that prevented justice from prevailing?
What we read created a deep pit in my stomach.
By the time we had gotten so involved in the victim’s story, all we could do was hope, pray, and send some resources to our church leaders exposing the repeated massive failings of former churches in their responses to abuse allegations.
Not our church. Please not our church. I remember thinking to myself.
We’ll warn them about what we found. It will be different! We won’t make the same mistakes.
Boy, was I wrong.
This post will focus heavily on what happens when a person is seeking justice in light of abuse in the Church. I am aware that there are many other types of conflicts that happen in the Church. However, an abuse of power in the Church covers a wide spectrum of instances where justice is sought after.
In the book A Church Called Tov, writers Scot McKnight and Laura Barringer bring this truth to light by quoting a former abuse victim, Rachel Denhollander, “In a 2018 interview with Christianity Today, Rachel Denhollander said she believes “church is one of the least safe places to acknowledge abuse,” and “church is one of the worst places to go for help.”
How could Rachel possibly come to this conclusion? Was she disillusioned by the Church? Were her expectations too high?
We’re about to discuss what many, and I do mean many, people have experienced when they have spoken up about being abused, whether by another church member or someone within church leadership. But I feel the need to add a disclaimer because the following is shockingly ugly and devastating. When I found out what I’m about to share, it was earth-shattering for me. It is almost unbelievable to hear that one of the places I perceived to be the safest, based on my experience, was one of the most dangerous for the vulnerable and abused.
If I hadn’t experienced it or witnessed it myself, with my own eyes, in my own body, and with my own trusting heart, I would read a blog post like this and assume the author had it out for churches. You may likely think I’m exaggerating, or intentionally trying to cast doubt on the Church, but this is the actual condition of most churches. If we are to make strides to reflect Christ, then we must not sugarcoat the issues we are experiencing, because they are costing the Church dearly.
The following is what you can expect if you are seeking accountability for abuse in the Church.
Nothing new, sorry
I kind of hate this first point, but it needs to be stated plainly and clearly upfront. The Bible has many passages where it talks about evil winning and the righteous losing. The rich keep getting richer and those in power stay in power. Various writers in the bible have lamented this experience time and time again.
In Job 21:7, Job asks, “Why do the wicked live on, growing old and increasing in power? They see their children established around them, their offspring before their eyes. Their homes are safe and free from fear; the rod of God is not on them.”
In Psalm 73:3-7 it says, “For I envied the arrogant when I saw the prosperity of the wicked. They have no struggles; their bodies are healthy and strong. They are free from common human burdens; they are not plagued by human ills.Therefore pride is their necklace; they clothe themselves with violence. From their callous hearts comes iniquity; their evil imaginations have no limits.”
I suppose what is hardest to accept about this truth is that I had hoped that the Church, the city on a hill, the salt of the world, would be different.
I hoped that the Church would be a place that would not allow power and money to rule decisions. I hoped that justice would prevail in the Church no matter what the cost. Unfortunately, most religious entities default to self-protective tactics that lead to the mistreatment and enabling of harm to the most vulnerable in our communities.
Blame and abandonment
The primary harm begins with the abuse itself, but the secondary harm appears when the victim shares what has happened to them. Instead of providing protection or seeking accountability for what has happened, the victim is blamed. It is very common for victims or the advocates of abuse victims to be labeled as liars, divisive, slanderers, or self-righteous. This strategy successfully dismisses or minimizes the abuse allegation and the victim’s experience becomes invalid, which directly benefits the abuser and the abuser’s supporters. Church life goes on as usual for everyone else except the victim who is left with trauma upon trauma.
In Michael Kruger’s book, Bully Pulpit, he explains the pattern like this, “In case after case, abusive leaders shift the attention to all the character flaws or behavioral problems in their accusers. In other words, it is a tactic designed to flip the script. And it works. The reason abuse victims are often scared to come forward is because they’ve seen what happens to those who do. They can see that those who’ve spoken up in the past have had their lives destroyed, and they don’t want to end up like them.”
After the victim or advocate is successfully discredited and blamed, church leadership will find ways to isolate them. They will communicate that the victim threatens unity and in order protect that unity, the victim should be cut off from the flock.
Kruger touches on this frequent tactic too, “The trauma of this sort of social ostracization is bigger than just the victims missing their former church. It involves the reality that their former church has now been turned against them and now regards them as divisive, troublesome, and slanderous. In other words, it’s the reversal–moving from faithful member to shunned exile–that is particularly devastating. As one abuse survivor testified, “The emotions or anger, guilt, shame, and a feeling of grief and loss of friendships and of the ‘family’ network can seem overwhelming, and in many cases, it seems there is nowhere to turn. Friends are silent. The group network has gone.”
This is where most victims give up on justice. After being abused, blamed, and isolated, most victims will suffer immensely and struggle to survive the next chapter of their lives, some don’t. Some of these abuse victims have vocalized regret over sharing what was done to them. They had no idea that the consequences of speaking the truth would be so tragic.
Adjust Expectations
For others, they will attempt other avenues of justice, as I discussed in this post a few weeks ago. The Youtube video titled, Action in the Absence of Justice, created by the organization G.R.A.C.E.(Godly Response to Abuse in Christian Environment), makes one thing very clear, the victim who is advocating for justice, accountability, and safety must maintain an appropriate expectation of their efforts.
In the clip, Wade Mullens, shares an important excerpt from the book Trauma and Recovery by Judith Herman, regarding this expectation,
“The survivor who elects to engage in public battle cannot afford to dilute herself about the inevitability of victory. She must be secure in the knowledge that simply in her willingness to confront the perpetrator she has overcome one of the most terrible consequences of the trauma, she has let him know that he cannot rule her by fear and she has exposed his crime to others. Her recovery is based not on the illusion that evil has been overcome but rather on the knowledge that has not entirely prevailed and the hope that restorative love might still be found in the world.”
If you choose to be a voice that cries out against ministry leaders abusing their power, you must understand that the experience comes with much less, “Amen’s” and “Praise the Lord’s”. Most Christians are either oblivious to the serious issues of injustice in the church, have not been personally affected by it, or believe that no one should speak up about the Bride’s condition, no matter how sick we are. Many congregants help to silence these cries for change by saying that the Church is being unfairly attacked or criticized. Some hold the belief that it is righteous to speak no negative word about a ministry or church as long as a perfect gospel message can be recited on stage or from various platforms.
For those who long to see the church transformed, we should not expect the systemic issue of injustice in the church to go down without a very long fight. As with all systemic issues, there is no fast track to change. Let’s remember that this fight is the Lord’s, and we cannot expect every battle to be won.
All is not lost
That is why it’s important to know where our ultimate hope lies!
Our hope does not rest in the perfect execution of justice on this earth.
Our hope rests in His presence, which can never be taken from us, and can give us joy and peace despite what we’ve endured.
Our hope rests in His Sovereignty and timing, to bring darkness to light, and to preserve His Bride, the Church.
Our hope rests in a Father who is longsuffering with us in our sin, as well as those who sin against us.
Our hope rests in the ultimate salvation of a God who has planned a beautiful eternity for and with us.
I’ll end this with a quote from Chuck DeGroat, from his book When Narcissism Comes to Church: Healing your Community from Emotional and Spiritual Abuse, where he discusses what the healing process of the Church looks like,
“It was the groans and cries of God’s people that awakened God’s rescuing response in the Exodus story(Ex. 2:23-24, 3:7-8). We’ve got to take the pain seriously, and this story, among many other biblical ones, offers us hope that our cries are heard and held. Of course, for the Israelites and for us, there is no quick fix. No speedy path through the dark wilderness. God offers hope for a day in the distant future(Ex. 3:17), stirring longing and imagination for a more spacious place of peace and flourishing–a place of shalom.”
May we continue to cry out for justice in the church, submitting to God’s timeline, and trusting that He is committed to purifying His people(that includes us!).
How about you? Can you share your personal experience? Can you tell us of a time when you witnessed injustice or justice in the church?
